Personal Story of an Ecstacy user

'Raphael' is a 30 year old postgraduate university student. He first began using amphetamines recreationally at age 20. All of his friends were using them and they constantly talked about how great it was and they could "party all night". 'Raphael' felt that using drugs recreationally was a normal part of the culture.

When 'Raphael' first began using Ecstasy he enjoyed everything about it. He became very talkative, a lot more confident, felt that he was a lot more interesting, it was easy to make new friends, and he felt as though he was the "life of the party". 'Raphael' saw using Ecstasy as a very social experience.



"When you use Ecstasy with friends, you really feel loved and accepted by one another. Your friends are so beautiful and your combined egos become invincible."

"Using quality Ecstasy it is like you are in Nirvana. The feel of the air hitting your skin is beautiful. Everyone is beautiful. It is just amazing!"



Initially 'Raphael' only used Ecstasy when he went to Raves, which was about every 6-8 weeks; however, over about a year he started gradually using more frequently until he was using 3 to 4 days per week. At this stage he lost all inhibitions, was constantly late to work, he also took many days off work, on reflection 'Raphael' sees that at the time he was "a bit of a nightmare of a person."

After 4 to 5 years of use 'Raphael' noticed that he was becoming really nervous, paranoid, depressed, and anxious, particularly when he was on public transport. He was constantly anticipating some sort of threat, although was not sure what the threat was or where it would come from. He felt "massively on edge". He recalls being on the tube in London and feeling so overwhelmed by anxiety that he had to get off the train as quickly as possible to escape the situation. After this he then chose to walk to work other. He also began to have fears surrounding flying and would have to have a few drinks prior to flying to alleviate his anxiety.

At the end of the day 'Raphael' sees that his drug use was;

"A nice way of never having to deal with problems. You are always having fun, you can forget your problems, it s a good way to escape. It can be a positive coping mechanism for a number of years but you need to be able to get out."